I remember how passive I used to be. Never would I speak up for myself even if not speaking up was at my own expense. My happiness or peace would be at stake yet I was unable to voice discomfort or unease of any kind.
Silly, isn’t it? But, not silly for people who struggle or have struggled to realize their worth. Nor, for people who think being nice means never speaking up for themselves.
Once I realized my value was not contingent on external forces or that my confidence wasn’t based on receiving or not receiving affirmation from others, my life changed. Courage replaced fear, and a healthy self-concept replaced the fragile and fleeting self-image I’d carried for many years.
Thus, when I was recently seated in a window seat on a cross country flight and a fellow passenger two seats away was snoring loudly, it didn’t take me any time at all to signal to the steward.
“Excuse me, but may I change seats?” I politely asked the flight attendant when he came close to my seat.
“Yes, you may take any seat that is available,” he replied with a smile.
Relieved, I quickly grabbed my belongings and excused myself from my assigned seat. The man two seats over wasn’t just loudly snoring. He was in a full blown locomotive sounding snore. Other passengers began looking around like I had done to locate the source of the sound. The lady that was originally seated to my right and next to the snoring man had already moved to another seat. I knew there was no conceivable way I could deal with the man’s intolerable snore for the three hour flight to my connecting flight.
In the past, I would never have bothered the flight attendant nor had the courage, or nerve, to verbalize a request. Rather, I would have suffered silently, stewing and steaming and enduring an unbearable situation.
I’ve learned that speaking up for myself doesn’t mean that I insist or demand my own way. It means that I can become my own advocate and seek ways of making decisions that illustrate to others I am a woman who understands my value and am a good steward of my own spirit (essence).
