Speaking out isn’t always best; being mindful of our words

Melissa Leo’s spirited speech at last night’s 82nd Academy Awards that included the use of slang was a verbal faux pas of significant magnitude. As Whoopie Goldlberg alluded to while hosting The View this morning, things get said and just come out of the mouth when an actor is presented with The Oscar. She meant words like the unscrupulous word that rolled off Ms. Leo’s lips that ABC bleeped out because of the seven second delay.

As the winner of Best Supporting Actress for her role in The Fighter, Ms. Leo arrived looking every bit a star. Glamorous in a stunning eyelet dress with a high scalloped neckline that framed her face, her hair in a soft up do, and with understated make up, she walked down the red carpet exuding controlled exuberance.

But, using discourteous language to speak out and make a point can backfire as it did with Ms. Leo.

I feel that Ms. Leo’s lack of etiquette in her acceptance speech took something from me. I look for role models in society today. People who strive to be examples of decency and integrity and people who stand honorably are people that I admire. While it was a fleeting remark and one she has apologized for, which took humility, when I think of Ms. Leo now, I will be reminded of her moment when the eyes of millions of people were upon her and she allowed her speech to dim her golden star.

You may be thinking tinseltown isn't a place that breeds people who stand honorably. Maybe not, but I think if we look we will find people who do.

Be the first to leave your comments below. I always appreciate your feedback and hearing of your comments, your requests, and/or any concerns you might have.

Asking for what you need

Asking for what we need is part of speaking up for ourselves. Some people can do it with perfect poise. A request rolls off their lips and they get results faster than a shooting star dancing through the night sky. Yet, some of us have had a really hard time. Someone could be stepping on our toes and pain is shooting up our leg yet we can’t get the words out to ask them to take their foot off our toes. Our leg becomes numb, yet we still can’t ask for what we need. We end up on a gurney heading for surgery with a gangrenous leg because we were never able to say, “Excuse me, you’re hurting me. Would you please remove your foot”?

My scenario is far-fetched but it has a ring of truth. Even in the 21st century, there are those of us who fight the inner battle of asking for what we need that helps sets us on the path to wholeness.

Part of my personal struggle with speaking up stemmed from a lack of understanding. I never grasped the truth that as God’ chosen child of the universe, I had rights. That if someone was violating my rights to be treated with respect and dignity that I had a right, and even a responsibility, to honor my own personhood by speaking up for myself.

“Who do you think you are?” is what we ask ourselves if we attempt speaking up about an injustice or perhaps from a conviction. “Stop making waves”, is another line we may have listened to in childhood that rears its ugly head. And so, we squelch our voice and dutifully back down only to suffer later in life from a host of maladies.
But, we are not doomed. Once we understand our significance and that we have contributions that no one else can make, we can find our voice.

Speaking up for yourself can set your spirit free. Being set free in your spirit can enable you to speak up for yourself. Which comes first? It’s speculative, but what is true is that asking for what you need is right and just.

Be the first to share your thoughts at the end of this post on speaking up for yourself. They may appear in the book I am working on about speaking up for yourself.

Valentine's Day

This Valentine’s Day is truly a gift. Here in the Northeast we’ve been buried for weeks under a blanket of snow. Today, it’s already 51 degrees. While writing this blog there are mounds of snow piled nearly to the top of the street signs outside my window. I’ve not seen this much snow since the blizzard brigade we had in 1994! We may not see the grass again until April but this whisper of what’s to come has me visualizing daffodils dancing in the wind.

Still, it’s mid-February and it is Valentine’s Day, a day that’s set aside for expressing love with hearts and flowers, chocolates and candy, gifts and dinner… and the myriad of everyday ways we show our love and appreciation. Such as doing nice things for people and perhaps smiling at a passerby. It may bring them more joy than you know.

If you’re single you might wish the florist zipping down the street would be pulling up at your door to deliver flowers. You might feel left out of the romantic loop from hearing about what your friend’s boyfriend or husband did. Or, you could do what I did a few years ago. Celebrate life!

I gathered a group of girlfriends of varied ages and physicality for roller skating at our local rink (now demolished for new housing). My cohort, Marie, and I designed inexpensively bought painter’s hats with glitter and adopted quirky names for the evening. She was “Corky” and I was “Squiggly”. We had a blast! After we rolled around the rink a few times, sustained a few falls, and laughed our heads off, we went back to Marie’s for a night of decadent deserts. We still talk about our hilarious night!

This year, though low key, love with a hint of spring is in the air. One of the things I did was write an old-fashioned romantic letter that I included in a home-made (computer) card. I’ve also lit a candle with my favorite fragrance to enjoy and put on a CD. Alison Krauss was serenading me while I was frosting on a batch of “Grandma’s Sugar Cookies”.

Our whisper of spring has brought our afternoon temperature up to 58 degrees. Though I don’t see any daffodils dancing in the wind just yet, my heart is singing because the surprise and wonder of love, family, and friends, is all around!

Take a moment to write me… I’d love to hear how you are celebrating Valentine’s Day 2011!

Speaking up means weighing your words

People think that speaking up for yourself means saying everything that’s on your mind. Initially, you may feel better for having vented but as you walk away you never note the effect of your words. Your recipients facial expression my reflect surprised shock, or they may even be so stunned that they are left standing in utter silence with their head hanging down. You never touched them, but the wounding from your words lingers…and wears upon you both.

I know because I’ve been that person who has coughed up a barrage of what was on my mind erroneously believing that I was valiantly speaking up for myself.
“I’ll show them!” was my stance. Yet, my insecurity, immaturity, and impulsivity were glaring. What a fool I was. Thus, after years of stuffing emotions and not being heard, verbal eruptions became my norm.

Many years have passed since my days of verbal explosions. Through growing in my Christian walk, I now know that self-expression is closely tied to self-discipline and self-control (fruits of the spirit). Speaking up from a position of strength, and love, changes everything. Not only can you set boundaries for yourself in your own life, but you can set boundaries in your relationships. Consequently, you’re well thought out words have the potential for impact rather than just exhaling in a verbal blast that does no earthly good.

When you do need to speak up for yourself remember that the louder your voice, the less likely you will be heard. Using a soft toned voice shows respect and has greater potential for better reception.

Having the quiet strength to know when to speak up for yourself can elevate you in grace and beauty and free you from self-reproach.