People think that speaking up for yourself means saying everything that’s on your mind. Initially, you may feel better for having vented but as you walk away you never note the effect of your words. Your recipients facial expression my reflect surprised shock, or they may even be so stunned that they are left standing in utter silence with their head hanging down. You never touched them, but the wounding from your words lingers…and wears upon you both.
I know because I’ve been that person who has coughed up a barrage of what was on my mind erroneously believing that I was valiantly speaking up for myself.
“I’ll show them!” was my stance. Yet, my insecurity, immaturity, and impulsivity were glaring. What a fool I was. Thus, after years of stuffing emotions and not being heard, verbal eruptions became my norm.
Many years have passed since my days of verbal explosions. Through growing in my Christian walk, I now know that self-expression is closely tied to self-discipline and self-control (fruits of the spirit). Speaking up from a position of strength, and love, changes everything. Not only can you set boundaries for yourself in your own life, but you can set boundaries in your relationships. Consequently, you’re well thought out words have the potential for impact rather than just exhaling in a verbal blast that does no earthly good.
When you do need to speak up for yourself remember that the louder your voice, the less likely you will be heard. Using a soft toned voice shows respect and has greater potential for better reception.
Having the quiet strength to know when to speak up for yourself can elevate you in grace and beauty and free you from self-reproach.
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2 comments:
Hi Jen - another aspect of weighing your words is: do I help others expand their knowledge by what I say or let them continue to travel on a journey that could be considered "misguided." It was Dante who pointed out that the complacent will be eternally rewarded by being buried in dung. Although it has to be done after a careful listening, setting others on the path to Truth is part of our purpose in this precious time on the earth. Perhaps by doing so, we will set aflame a hidden passion in someone for doing some important service for the world. "Holding one's tongue" can sometimes hold back the ripples of good deeds that our culture needs for positive progress.
Well said, Jennifer! There is probably none of us who haven't spoken first before weighing-in on the impact of our words...then regretted having said them. Words can't be taken back once uttered
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